I decided to become a yoga teacher at the top of a mountain in September 2014. Two years sober and fresh out of London I finally remembered the incredible peace that can be found in nature and had a strong calling to share that with others.

 

Yoga has been a part of my life since I was 17 years old and has been one of the main tools for coping with complex PTSD which has manifested throughout my life as anorexia, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, anger, suicidal ideation and addiction.

 

The routine, boundaries, structure and containment of a yoga practice were everything I needed back then but at some point what had started as healing began to hinder as I became consumed by the outer world of yoga asana and left wanting by the transcendence and light seeking aspects of the practice. The repetition and linear movements also created some pains and injuries in my joints.

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Around this time I attended my first women’s day retreat and my yoga practice was turned on its head. 

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I was invited to slow down and listen, to find the voice of my inner teacher,  to connect to my heart and womb, to free myself from the confines of structured movement, to let go, to feel.

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I arrived rigid, stuck and terrified.

 

I felt uncomfortable in a group of women. I was afraid to speak. I didn’t know how to feel or listen to my body or let go or move without guidance. I couldn’t relax or slow down.

 

And then slowly began to break down my boundaries and allowed myself to be seen and heard by the women in spite of a wavering voice and a hammering heart, I let myself move freely even though it felt almost impossible to get out of my head, I overrode my impulse to keep pushing and discovered the bliss of soulful slowness.

 

I spent the day cry laughing my way back home to my body.

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I had discovered a way of being and moving that would change the course of my life and work.

 

So I mentored and trained in Well Woman Yoga Therapy (Shakti Yoga), women’s circles, yoga nidra and menstrual cycle awareness discovering a way of life and a set of practices that weren’t seeking to escape the human condition but rather to embody it. 

 

My practice moved from escapism and transcendence to welcoming and acceptance and I finally began to meet and heal the deeper wounds.
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The way I moved my body shifted from rigid repetition & ambition to fluid spontaneity & contentment.

 

I spent the years that followed surrounded by incredible women all dancing naked under the moon, screaming off mountain tops, wandering the woods barefoot, swimming in wild water, crying a lot, laughing even more, learning to be vulnerable, sharing our stories, learning to feel and breaking open again and again and again.

 

My practice became one of reclaiming a sense of safety in my body after years of abuse, abandonment, fear and neglect.

 

I unlocked my heart and womb and out poured a cascade of grief followed by a huge sigh of relief over and over again.

 

I healed my relationship with my body so profoundly that by the time I gave birth to my daughter I trusted in birth, I trusted in my body and I trusted myself.

 

I had the most beautiful, powerful and transformative birth at home in the water without the assistance of midwives. Something I never could have done if I hadn’t believed in the wildness of my body.

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My birth transformed me. It was listening to my body and connecting to my wildness in the most intense way imaginable. It gifted me trust in my body and a deep connection to the wild.

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The first year of mothering was an initiation into a whole new level of wildness. One I was entirely unprepared for. With no role models of wild and natural mothering around me, I was floundering in the dark and struggling to keep up with the extreme expectations of modern motherhood.

 

When my daughter was a year old I had a mental health crisis that turned out to be a profound healing of my nervous system.

 

The intensity of motherhood unearthed deep and forgotten childhood trauma that broke me in two and when I pieced myself back together I found I was finally the person I’d always wanted to be, the person I’d always known I was somewhere deep down. I’d finally felt safe enough to occupy my heart.

 

From there I learned about matrescence and the incredible vulnerability and neuroplasticity of the brain during this profoundly transitional time.

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Motherhood has pushed me to my limits, opened me to my purpose and healed me in ways I could never have dreamed possible.

 

Yoga initiated all of this and more and nature continues to be my guide and mentor to listen, surrender and trust. My blueprint for a wild and cyclical life.

 

And I want nothing more than for everyone to experience the freedom nature offers us if we’re willing to dive in.

 

These days I am an unschooling mama to a fierce and magical little creature but Moon Forest Flow is still going strong and when I can I create wild and cyclical yoga, nidras, meditations and blogs for the rewilding of mind, body, motherhood and Mother Nature via my Patreon page: Wild Woman Club and offer some classes and events in person too.

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Carly x